3 Months without the Feminine (mostly)

I finished my experiment of having no contact, meaning no eye contact, no touching, and no talking more than necessary to women for 3 months.

To be transparent I held the hand of one woman, hugged two women, and got touched by women before I could say stop. Furthermore, in the last month of this experiment, I started talking more to one woman that I lived with at that time and that was dear to my heart and important to talk to for me. It was not a perfectly executed straight experiment but nonetheless, I want to share about it.

The purpose of this experiment was to unmesh my energy as a man from the energy of the feminine. To find how my masculine energy feels like and to work with what comes up for me in this process. Also, I wanted to feel and hold my inner parts that are dependent on the feminine energy and feed on the energy women radiate.

What I also experimented with during that time is to get more in physical contact with men. I started a practice with 2 men to hold each other one or two times a week for 20 minutes each. With this experiment, I was looking to find hold and intimacy in the circle of man. I think these two experiments combined were beneficial and made it easier and maybe even possible to go through my abstinence as I did.

Here I will describe to you what changed during that time for me.

First of all, I am really glad I did this experiment. I want to do it again at some point. I feel like something within me was able to grow up during that time and still needs to grow up more.

The parts of me that crave the feminine had to find other ways to get nurtured. Something in me needed to hold myself in a new way so I would not collapse. Before I craved the sexual energy women emitted a lot and I was looking for it everywhere. My shadow fed on this to not feel my feelings and got pleasure by looking at beautiful women. It is not wrong or bad, but it is a strategy to not feel and by that, it is not supportive of me growing up into my responsible adult self.

It is not like this strategy or my craving is gone. But I made the experience how it is to mostly hold myself in my own space, not looking for female energy to distract me. And that was a powerful and also painful experience. I needed a lot of anger to be with myself. I needed a constant alignment with why I do what I do. I overused my anger maybe even a little too much. But that was needed for me to build my muscle to stay within my own space. And it is a painful experience to just be on my own in my space. But that pain seemed to build up qualities within me. A willingness to face what is going on for me. I learned to feel my pain of being on my own.

Okay, all that sounds not fun at all Kian. Why should I do that? What is really in it for me?

Yes, I get it. Sounds pretty dry. And for most women, it does not matter at all that I did this experiment. They have the opposite safety strategy to shoot around their sexual energy through the space for their safety and to manipulate men. And when I don’t play my role in it anymore they might even feel offended.

For me, a life-changing experience was to meet a woman that told me: “Stop feeding of my energy!” That shook me awake. I felt the pain of doing something to a woman that disrespected her being.

That made me want to change something in the way I interact with women.

That is one motivation I had in the beginning. Another motivation is now clear to me after that abstinence. Getting in contact with women again, I felt so much respect, love, and appreciation for what a woman is. I feel like I can see the beauty of the garden that a woman cultivates within herself way more than I ever could. I started to sense the subtle ways she moves in her garden with a grace that seems unreachable to me. I could appreciate the openness AND the closedness a woman shows to me, which before I experienced as an offense. And that is not just a trippy aftereffect. Now it is now 2 months after the experiment and I feel like my experience of this is deepening more and more.

I get now, why in many traditions and during initiations in tribes it is a practice to stay with people of the same sex. Our times are missing these practices so we need to create them for ourselves. If you come out of a relationship or need to find focus and direction in your life I recommend you this experiment.

If you as a man or as women want to try a similar experiment I recommend you to get very clear on how long you want to do this experiment and very clear on your “why” to do this experiment.

Also, I recommend getting holdings during that time from people of the same sex you do not feel attracted to.

This experiment will change the shape of your being. It needs strength and willingness to look at yourself to go through it. If you want to do it and want support during this time you can reach out to me.

Love

Kian